I am mad that certain decisions were made by some people to forever change the course of my family.
I am mad that I am not having dinner with my daughter tonight. I don't even know what she is eating for dinner tonight.
I am mad that I am done with all of my errands I planned to keep me busy all afternoon. Now, I am in this big, quiet house with just the dogs and the fish.
I have always felt that I have a pretty good grip on my life. I know what to expect and what the plan is. For the first time ever, I don't have that and things feel out of control. I think that is why I am trying so hard to redo the house. I have control in the decisions, when it is done and where the furniture will go. It is one area I have full control over.
I am sad for Addison. This was not supposed to be her life. She was not supposed to have to split weekends, birthdays or holidays. I know she is so young, she will not remember. But she is so young, she will not know how things were.
We were a great, happy, fun family. There was never any fighting in our house. Never. Don't you have to fight and argue and hate each other to pieces before you get divorced? Nope. I guess, all it takes are a few poor decisions and it can be over. And because of that, I am mad.
Kelley I read your post earlier and just wanted to stop by & leave some encouragement. Even though it's not the same thing, I remember experiencing many of these same feelings when Nick was going through chemo & then all over again with infertility. I just want to tell you that you're doing great by being honest about how you feel & acknowledging it. Also, during that time someone told me "There is peace in surrender." For me I had to learn how to truly let go and just let God take over (so hard!!) and 100% let go of my plans and trust His were better. Even if they seem awful now. Hang in there! You will make it to the other side of this!
ReplyDeleteWrite it out! I'm so curious as to what is in store for your future. Remember that you are worth far more than rubies!
ReplyDeleteOh! I love that--more precious than rubies!!
DeleteYou are so strong, and your Dad is right, it is just stuff. Give it all to Jimmy if it makes this process any easier. It is one of the most important lessons we try to teach our kids, people are far more important than things and if there is something getting in the way of us loving each other, we need to get rid of that thing. My kids have seen many toys end up in the trash b/c they were mean to one another over a material possession.
ReplyDeleteI love reading this and seeing what an amazing woman you are!
I hate this for you. I'm mad for you. I wish I could solve it, fix it, offer up the perfect solutioinn. I wish there was another way . . .
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting me be a part of your new life. Thank you for letting me pray for you. It breaks my heart that this is the "new normal"--but I have loved helping you with your home.
You are so loved!!! I keep thinking about Easter--and how loved we all are--Child of the King, you are LOVED!
This post just breaks my heart for you! I am mad for you! Prayers for you and your sweetheart Addison.
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